Women have been cooking food over open fires for millennia. So why is it that grilling today is considered a male pastime? Possible answers:
A) Despite several thousand years of attempts, women never got the hang of it and gave up.
B) Men like to cook but their wives won't let them mess up the kitchen so they go outside to mess with charcoal, fire and ash.
C) Once a woman becomes a mother, she has no time to stand around and watch a chicken turn brown.
My bet is on C), which leads to the question, 'What in the world is she so busy with?' Well, aside from bandaging flesh wounds, mediating property disputes, and generally battling entropy back into its corner, she is also pre-occupied with preparing vegetable side dishes. Essentially, she's transforming plant parts into food because if she didn't no one else would. We would all die of heart disease by age 10, and the human species would be lost forever.
I formed this rather dire prediction after learning that during the week my children and I were out of town, my husband stood in a grocery-store check-out line and noticed that his cart contained only beef, pork, and sausages. He considered the absence of greenery, but was content with his menu plan as it was.
Thus it is no surprise that one night he delivered the grilled meat to waiting guests and proudly beamed, "I cooked dinner tonight." My eyes scanned the green salad, corn on the cob, crispy potatoes, and rolls.
"And what are all these?" I silently wondered, "Appetizers?"
Well, last night I took a stab at grilling. My husband wasn't going to be home for dinner but an old friend, Wei-Ching, from Taiwan was coming. I had planned a Wisconsin meal of pan-fried fish, coleslaw, swiss chard, corn bread, and rhubarb cake. I prepared everything ahead of time except the fish and greens, and the greens were waiting to be steamed in a pot when Wei-Ching arrived.
It was a gorgeous summer afternoon, and we went outside to play. By the time I was supposed to fry the fish, I'd lost motivation to spatter my kitchen with grease. I wanted to stay outside. So I decided to grill.
Lighting the fire in the large, round Weber was easy. We have one of those fire-starters that you fill the top with charcoal, stuff crumpled newspaper into the bottom, and light the paper on fire. I know some men have a thing about wanting to light a fire with only one match. Well, a match box holds at least a hundred matches. The way I see it is that more matches mean more wood is beneath the charcoal which means the quicker the charcoal turns gray. So in regards to that 'one match' bit, I ask in which stage does efficiency count? - getting the fire lit or getting the charcoal gray?
While waiting for the charcoal to catch, we returned to the kitchen to prepare the 3 whole trout. First step: Off with their heads! Eyes on my plate give me the willies.
I had been considering laying the trout on lemon slices spread over the grill. But Wei-Ching suggested steaming the trout in foil and this method promised that the fish would neither fall through the grate nor get singed by flame or ash. As we laid the trout on tin foil, Wei-Ching suggested drizzling their insides with olive oil and crushed garlic. Sounded good to me. We added a touch of salt. Basil and other herbs suggested themselves, but I thought it better not to muck up the fish too much with seasonings before I knew what the fish would taste like 'au natural'. 
We drizzled more olive oil over their scales, wrapped them tightly in foil, and placed them on the grill. By this time, the coals were completely gray, and the heat was relatively low. I covered the grill. We guessed the fish needed about 30 minutes to cook. Now the fun part began, - the hanging out.
This was the good part. This was why people like to grill. Grilling is a marvelous excuse for standing around outside talking, enjoying friends and nature's delights. My children were happy playing with the neighbor children who had come to visit. Quite a bucolic scene until....
My 5-year-old Dave screamed, "YOU BROKE MY PUZZLE!" A second later his 5-year-old friend raced out the patio door, passed us, and across the yard with Dave in hot pursuit. My 8-year-old Lauren leaped off the swing set, and she and I ran after Dave trying to catch him before he caught the neighbor. By the time I rounded the corner of the house, the neighbor child was safe in his yard watching bug-eyed as Lauren tackled Dave. On the side of the road, Dave fought Lauren's death grip on his arm. I intercepted and carried Dave to his room.
But calming the Hulk requires time. I stayed with Dave, waiting for his sweet Dr. Banner nature to return. Steak on a hot grill at that moment would have been no different than taking a match to a $10.00 bill.
Time passed. Dave was approaching calm when Lauren returned to our kitchen with the neighbor children and Wei-Ching carried in the foil packet of trout.
And then a miracle happened...We served the fish and it was cooked perfectly! It's taste was too bland for me, but Wei-Ching prefers food only lightly seasoned, so it was right for her. Wei-Ching mentioned that her mother cooks fish in foil but seasons it with garlic and soy sauce, - (not olive oil - that's a Western thing). We brought out the soy sauce and dipped the fish. Now THAT was GOOD! Next time I'll use soy sauce, - and maybe a little ginger with the garlic.
I like this fish-in-foil-on-the-grill cooking method. For the parent who at any moment may literally have to run away from food on the grill, the secrets to relaxed grilling are:
- Prepare all the rest of the food and set the table before lighting the grill.
- Cook over a relatively low fire so when you're interrupted, the food is less likely to burn.
- Keep a carton of eggs on hand that can be quickly scrambled, - just in case.
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